Painful reminders that He is in control...

I was reminded about this again this week when Faith fell from about 6 feet off the ground and hit her head. As I ran into her bedroom, all I could see was blood on the floor and dripping from her and my heart feel into my feet. I was sick.

You all know. It was just a year ago, that she was admitted to PICU in a Children's Hospital in the States because of a small fall that she took which ended in a moderate brain bleed and ultimately ended in nothing less than a miracle in watching our Lord heal our baby girl.

Those memories, mental pictures, thoughts, and the anxiety replayed in my mind like a fast paced movie.  Trying to grasp what happened, we realized that amazingly enough she just busted her chin.

I just remember running into her room and my first words were "O God, no........."  and I have heard those words used so many times in vain but when I entered that room it was as if no one else was in there but the Father and I, and I was pleading with Him from the moment my foot stepped in her bedroom door.

Sometimes walking with the Lord seems like a choice. No, I don't mean like whether I am going to follow Him. That's already been decided, nailed down, His blood is washed over me, I am redeemed and so grateful. It's more like sometimes (or a lot of the time) I try to do things in my own strength. Often times I can be just pure stubborn to make sure I can do all that I can to provide for my husband and children and make sure they have what they need. Whether in food, laundry, school, etc. In. My. Strength.

So when something like a big fall happens, and I can do nothing but call out to my Lord I am mindful of two things: (1) just how big and Sovereign our God is and (2) how small and weak I am.  The pride, the stubbornness, the self-dependency flees and I cry out and plead to my Sovereign God.

In those painful moments of learning, my stupidity- stubborn- sinful self is quickly reminded of our Great God... the Creator.... the Great Physician.... the Sustainer.... the Giver of life and death.... it's found in Him.  The thought of doing things my way in my own strength is not even an option. It's gone. It is purely calling out "O God" and praying for His Will whatever it is and that my heart will submit and that He will give me the grace, mercy, and strength TO submit.

And in those painful moments, He gently reminds me that Yes He is in control. It is all His. Faith is His. As are the rest of my family members. My health. My life. All of it. No really.... ALL. OF. IT.... It is His.

And the Lord reminds me of the words in 1 Cor 6:20 that I have been bought with a price and I am to glorify God. And the whole chapter of Romans 6. And Psalm 54:4 "Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life." And more and more of His Word that strengthens my faith and life.

May You God be glorified in this weak vessel.  And thank You for protecting Faith yet again.